Today, Hugo and Amanda share 37 years of marriage, two daughters, two grandchildren and have another grandchild on the way. They’ve also navigated multiple cancers diagnoses, a variety of treatments and participation in several clinical trials.

A routine trip to the gynecologist in 2000 revealed a lump, which was soon confirmed as breast cancer. Within a week, Amanda had received surgery and was starting four rounds of chemotherapy and 30 days of radiation. “At the time, the information in the Internet was very limited,” Hugo, recalled.

“As a father and a husband we want to protect our family and we struggle to balance the information yet spare our family. As a husband my duty is to protect her and not only inspire confidence that everything will be ok, but also be understanding or her fears and feelings.”

“One of the hardest things was having to go home and give her bad news. After surgery, the doctor called to say that the margins weren’t clear and she needed another operation. I pulled into the driveway and heard her laughing with my brother and mother. Those who have being on this road know how difficult is to give this kind of news to the person that you love the most. But Amanda’s resiliency and love for life is awe-inspiring.”

They called on that resilience when she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer that required more surgery, iodine and radiation treatments. After treatment, they enjoyed seven happy, cancer-free years until 2011 when a checkup revealed elevated markers and testing confirmed that cancer had metastasized to her lungs. Since 2011, she’s been receiving palliative care and has participated in several clinical trials.

“As much as I want to, I cannot protect her and the girls from everything. I accept that this is our reality that every three weeks we have to go for treatment, that every three months we have to go for scans. I accept the reality of my life. What’s difficult for me is to accept that she has to go through this.”

Hugo’s advice to new caregivers is straightforward. “Don’t be afraid to admit that you’re scared. But don’t be paralyzed. Be your own advocate. Don’t ever stop telling her how much you love her and that you are going to be there for her. “

He encourages caregivers to reach out for connection. “My wife was the first person in either of our families to be diagnosed. Cancer wasn’t something people talked about. Cancer is not going to stop us from living a full life. Starting the conversation helps break down taboos.”

“I know tomorrow is not promised to any one. We must enjoy today. We can’t waste time crying for tomorrow. When this first happened, I’d always say ‘One day at a time….’

“Since she was first diagnosed back in 2000, our love for each other got stronger. We renewed our wedding vows on our 30^th anniversary, we celebrated out daughters sweet sixteens’ and weddings, we received God’s blessing in the form of two grandkids and are looking forward to meeting our third grandchild soon. All those things happened while we were living our life “One Day at a Time.”

The post Caring and loving when cancer comes back to stay. appeared first on Cancer Hope Network.

“Unfortunately, with thyroid cancer, many people don’t even know it’s out there,” Support Volunteer Stacy** says. “Thyroid cancer is interesting, because you feel like you’re in a lost space. It’s cancer but people say things like ‘It’s gonna be cured, you don’t have any worries.’ or it’s ‘not that bad.’”
“Several years into my diagnosis, I thought I was ok – because that’s what the doctor told me. And then I had a recurrence. I’m going through that, am still going through that to this day,” she recalls.

“For someone like me who is so private, it was tough to talk about. If I’d been able to contact someone to speak about what I was going through, it would have been incredibly helpful. I’ve learned so much, especially since my recurrence. If I can help just one person get onto the right track, it’s worth it.”

Stacy, an active member of her local Cancer Support Community, was referred to CHN in 2016. Since then, she’s demonstrated her commitment to helping others and “paying it forward.”

She understands that cancer patients often need more than medical support – they need emotional support, they need the permission and encouragement to become advocates for themselves. “Sometimes, my calls are the mother or the parent of the patient.  Everyone is different, they handle things differently. But there’s always a reason they’re calling – reassurance, hope, a listener. I try to keep that in mind with each call, to find what that person needs.”
Early 2016, one of those calls was to Kate, a thyroid cancer patient struggling with primary thyroid cancer that had spread to her lungs, spine and bones. Many conversations later, Kate is an unabashed fan. She pays tribute to the woman who’s become more like a younger sister, an “angel sent from heaven.”
“Stacy feels like family to me. After she calls, I sleep much better. She is intelligent, caring, disciplined. I feel comforted talking to her.”

Although the women come from different backgrounds, they’ve found kinship in their common fight, the shared struggle of recurring, advanced cancers. “Cancer is different in every person,” Kate acknowledges. “But there are many common denominators. Stacy knows what I’m talking about. She doesn’t play doctor, but she understands.”

While she’s providing emotional support and comfort, Stacy is also focused on providing everyday, practical assistance. “She put me in contact with the American Cancer Society to find transportation. That’s helped me to connect with other patients in this fight.”
It’s safe to say this bond will continue.

“She’s a square peg in a square hole – exactly the encouragement that I needed.”
**Name has been changed to protect privacy.

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