For cervical cancer survivor Kelly, cancer’s loss was especially painful. Diagnosed soon after her wedding, Kelly’s then-husband “freaked, but not to me.” A month later, he admitted to her what he’d told his friends. “I can’t handle this.” Six months into their marriage, he wanted a divorce.

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“The divorce rather than the cancer became my ‘OMG’ thing. I was forced to rely on my friends and family,” she recalled recently. “My focus became the divorce rather than the cancer. My mom and dad chauffeured me around for treatments and appointments. My ex took everything when he left – he left me with $100. So friends stepped in, even helping with money.”

As painful as the experience was, she looks back today with a mixture of gratitude and thoughtfulness.

“You have to find something or somebody that can be your ‘one good thing,” she instructs. “For me, it was finding out who was there for me, how my friends and family cared and were there. Back then, I was freaking out. Now, I think of it as getting one cancer to get rid of the other cancer in my life.”

Kelly was given a clean bill of health post-treatment and focused on the friends and family who’d been by her side. She focused on discovering who she was and who she wanted to be.

In 2007, her father, who’d been such a rock for her during treatment, was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia. “They told him he had three weeks to live,” she recalls. “He survived three and a half years. Hospice came to him four times. I didn’t feel like I ‘had cancer’ compared to him, but my experience made me more empathetic and understanding.”

Today, she channels that empathy into conversations with her matches, helping them to navigate the confusion, pain and even loneliness of treatment. “Even in the deepest, darkest times, there’s something you can focus on to get through it.”

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Life as an early-stage survivor

For those lucky enough to be diagnosed early or who compare themselves to patients who “really” have cancer, her guidance is profoundly simple and full of reassuring compassion. “Your cancer, your story is still yours to own. No matter what level, it’s still you. You still have cancer. Yes, you may be fortunate or feel fortunate, but you have to go through the uncertainty of treatment, the fear of recurrence.”

She’s found love with Drew. He’s a humorous, quirky bowler (like her father!) that she met nearly one year to the day after her father death. “The main way my family gets through tragedy and difficulty is finding laughter,” Kelly shared. “The doctor said that one of the reasons that my dad was with us so long was all the laughter. He’d see us cry, but also laugh. I lucked out to have a family that gets along. Drew is a perfect fit into that mix.”

Helping others – becoming an advocate

Kelly has become a champion of her own health and encourages others to follow her lead. “If someone tells you something you don’t know, ask them what it means. (DON’T GOOGLE!) If you still don’t understand, ask a nurse or someone you can rely on for trusted information.”

“When my dad was sick, they were throwing terms out left and right. I was writing things down and taking the notes to my aunt, who is a nurse. If you don’t know what something means, someone needs to be the advocate. Someone needs to be brave enough to say ‘dumb it down for me’ until everyone understands.
To connect with Kelly, or another survivor volunteer who understands, call 877-HOPENET or visit cancerhopenetwork.org/support. 

The post Wedding. Cancer. Divorce. appeared first on Cancer Hope Network.

But life as a cancer survivor has included its own set of challenges. “I’ve had ongoing souvenirs of this journey,” Ellen says. “I’ve managed, but the journey continues.” The radiation that saved her life also “did a number” on her intestines, resulting in a ruptured colon, three resectioning surgeries, a colostomy and ongoing GI issues.  The radiation affected her bladder, too, and over the years decreased its function.

She’s faced a bilateral nephrostomy (drains inserted in her kidneys, out through the back and down her legs) and anticipates more surgery to make the drainage permanent.

That urostomy will remove her neurogenic bladder (In Ellen’s words – “It just went kaput. The nerves are dead.”). That surgery will create a new conduit from her intestine and replace the tubes down the back of her legs with a single ostomy bag that will get her back to the tennis and golf that are a beloved part of her active lifestyle.

“When deciding on treatment options, they take you through the percentages. There’s a one percent chance of this side effect. A three percent chance of that. Unfortunately, they’ve all happened to me.”
Through her many setbacks, Ellen has kept her sense of humor. “My character was fine before cancer. I didn’t need this to be a life-transforming experience.”

“I found out who my friends are. And who they weren’t,” she recalls. “Some people shut down and turned away. I know cancer scares a lot of people. You don’t know what to say. I don’t myself. But people who were just there made a huge difference. The smallest kindnesses mean something.”

Her first round of complications meant a nine-week stay in the hospital – and created a moment she’ll never forget. “One of the nurses who had been caring for me told me she was putting me at the end of her rounds so she could wash my hair. You’d have thought it was Christmas morning.”

As she’s faced these challenges, she’s shared her victories – and struggles – with Cancer Hope Network patients facing similar diagnoses or considering similar treatments. She’s also connected with CHN Support Volunteers of her own, finding comfort and solidarity.

“You feel like you’re the only person going through what you’re going through. You feel like your family is done hearing about it. Your doctors are an appointment away. Knowing someone is going through, in pretty close detail, what you’re going through is very helpful.”

“When I call a match, I’m hoping that I’m helping them. Often, when I get off the phone, I feel like they’ve lifted my spirits.”

Hope has many faces. Want to be matched with a Support Volunteer who has been where you are?  Click HERE or call 877-HOPENET (877-467-3638) today.

The post Being lucky isn’t easy appeared first on Cancer Hope Network.