Slow isn’t my normal speed. I walk quickly, type quickly, clean house quickly, stack wood quickly. It’s been good for me to slow down and enjoy the pace and camaraderie of the Walking 4 Wellness trekkers.
Iain Thomas writes this:

“And every day, the world will drag you by the hand, yelling, ‘This is important! And this is important! And this is important! You need to worry about this! And this! And this!’

“And each day, it’s up to you to yank your hand back, put it on your heart and say, ‘No. This is what’s important.’”

As we yank our hands back from the urgencies and pressures, there are plenty of things worth slowing down for. In no particular order, consider these 5 as a start:

1. Outdoor physical activity. “Slow and meandering with multiple photo stops” is par for the course with the Walking-4-Wellness group. And then there’s lingering over coffee and Chai tea afterward as deep friendships are forged.What if we could engage in a slow, outdoor physical activity that would allow us to smell the roses along the path and refuel our spirits in the process?
2. Our people. When cancer caused my husband, Gary, to begin losing speed, I put away my to-do lists and slowed down with him. Reflective conversations. Playing Words with Friends. Reading or knitting as he dozed in the hospital bed in the living room. Relishing one more day with my beloved.What if we determined to slow down for our spouses, children, and extended families and friends because there’s no guarantee they’ll be with us tomorrow.
3. Gardening. By its nature, gardening is a slowing-down event. As a cancer widow, I live in a beautiful little guest house on the side of a steep hill. My garden currently exists of one hanging flower basket. And although it doesn’t take me long to water and pinch off the dead flowers, after a recent discussion with a friend, I’ve been slowing down and drinking in the pleasure of tending to my garden. It’s not simply one more thing to check off my to-do list, but one more way to relish the simple joys of life.What if we planted one container—one herb pot, one hanging basket, one leafy houseplant—and in tending to it, we were actually tending to our own souls? 

4. Cooking.  My beautiful little guest house has a tiny kitchen with a plug-in hotplate, toaster oven, and small fridge tucked beneath the counter. But for Christmas Eve last year, I was in a vacation rental with a full kitchen. And what fun it was to slow down in the kitchen and spend some time cooking for friends who would be arriving later that evening.What if we prepared something special for someone, not a required meal, but something unexpected and out of the ordinary and made in love? And what if that ending up feeding us as well – physically, mentally, and emotionally?

5. Reading, journaling, contemplating with gratitude. I love to brew a mug of tea. Grab a good book. Sit somewhere outdoors. Read. Contemplate life. Contemplate God and His creation. Capture my thoughts in writing. Add to my gratitude list.What if something as simple as reading and capturing our thoughts in writing refilled us to once again have enough love and service to pour out on others?

Nanea Hoffman shared this thought.

“Note to self: When you are whizzing through your day and your body is full of stress, a good way to slow your galloping mind is to take one moment to be thankful, even for a tiny goodness. Gratitude anchors you to the present. Then you can jump back into your regularly scheduled chaos with a bit of calm in your heart.”

As surely as we need to do things, what if we could also take time to simply be?

Yes, things need to get done. Our loved ones need to be tended to. Meals need to be prepared, bills need to be paid, and appointments need to be kept.

But what if we could simply be in a book, in an art project, in a leisurely FaceTime conversation. Be in the music, in the daydreaming, in the journaling. Be with the people we love because, speaking from experience, we won’t have them with us forever.

Marlys Johnson is a cancer widow, author, speaker & blogger. We first met her through her work coordinating St. Charles Medical Center’s Survivorship Program and her beloved husband, Gary – a CHN Support Volunteer for many years. Her passion for helping others navigate life’s challenges inspires us every day and we are delighted to share her insights.

To read more of Marlys’ work – and discover her love of all things outdoors – visit her blog Renew | Repurpose.

The post 5 Ways to Slow Down while Dealing with Cancer appeared first on Cancer Hope Network.

But there was also the uncertainty. How do you even begin to prepare for such an unimaginable loss? You see it coming as you’re standing on the tracks, a freight train bearing down. But you’re frozen in place, mesmerized by the light.

And you know this rather large thing is going to hit you. And you know it’s going to hurt. Significantly. But you can do nothing to move off the tracks. Or to change the trajectory of the train.

How do you keep hope alive and yet balance it with realism? I remember thinking ahead to Christmas plans that fall. Sun River, a mountain resort village just twelve miles from our hometown and medical care, was an option since we couldn’t be with our kids. “Wouldn’t it be fun to go to SunRiver for Christmas this year?” I said to my husband.

He didn’t make it to Thanksgiving.

Derek Thompson wrote a piece titled “The Secret Life of Grief” that helped me understand what I was experiencing:

“Having time to watch a loved one die is a gift that takes more than it gives.”
Thompson went on to explain what he meant:

“To suffer a loved one’s long death is not to experience a single traumatic blow, but to suffer a thousand little deaths, tiny pinpricks, each a shot of grief you hope will inoculate against the real thing.”

It’s called anticipatory grief. And, oh, how it helped me to be able to name my mess—to know that the uncertainty, the approaching freight train, the mesmerizing light are common among people watching a spouse, child, or parent fade a little more with each passing day.

I got to exchange one hard traumatic blow for those thousand tiny pinpricks of pain as I slowly leaned into the inevitable, as I surrendered what I couldn’t control to God and allowed Him to envelop me in His peace.

This thought from Nanea Hoffman:

“Sometimes grief is a friend you wish you didn’t know but that you have to spend time with because love brought them along to the party. And the party was worth it.”

The party was absolutely worth it.

For those who still have our most prized, irreplaceable loved ones with us, how might we best spend the time with them … while there is still time?

Marlys Johnson is a cancer widow, author, speaker & blogger. We first met her through her work coordinating St. Charles Medical Center’s Survivorship Program and her beloved husband, Gary – a CHN Support Volunteer for many years. Her passion for helping others navigate life’s challenges inspires us every day and we are delighted to share her insights.

To read more of Marlys’ work – and discover her love of all things outdoors – visit her blog Renew | Repurpose.

The post The pain before the pain appeared first on Cancer Hope Network.